Hold Me
by shinigami82
Summary: Heero and Duo had a fight. Will they be able to restore their relationship once again? From both's POV, songfic based on Savage Garden's song


Hold Me  
  
By: Shinigami82  
  
Hey  
  
If we can't find a way out of these problems  
  
Then maybe we don't need this  
  
Standing face to face  
  
Enemies at war we build defences  
  
And secret hiding places  
  
(Duo)  
  
I'm crying the whole night on my bed. Crying my tears out. I can hear Quatre was calling my name outside my room and knocking my door, telling me to get something to eat. But I simply ignored him. Why should I? I can't stop my tears from flowing desperately on my cheeks. I just can't bear this reality anymore. Last night Heero was telling me how soldiers dedicated their lives to war. They are not meant to be in love, not meant to be together. Then what were those sweet things you said to me? That I am your sweet angel, I am the one that makes your whole life beautiful, I am the other part of you, you said without me you are not complete. The way you kissed me deeply, the way you always softly stroke my hair, the way you plant sweet kisses on my neck lovingly. Don't tell me they were false! Don't tell me they meant nothing to you! The image of you is in every corner of my mind. I love you truly, I love you madly, I love you deeply.  
  
I might need you to hold me tonight  
  
I might need you to say it's all right  
  
I might need you to make the first stand  
  
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man  
  
(Duo)  
  
I don't know what to think about anymore. Without you, my whole world seems to tremble down, giving up on me, embraced by a sudden silence. You told me that you needed to find yourself. But I thought you found yourself when you were here with me. Your true inner self; caring, honest, passionate, understanding, and kind. You're not a Perfect Soldier, Heero! They made you like that! But the real you is not a Perfect Soldier! You are an ordinary boy! You have emotions! Just like me! Heero, Please! Please come back! I need you!!  
  
Hey  
  
More than angry words I hate this silence  
  
It's getting so loud  
  
Well I want to scream  
  
But bitterness has silenced these emotions  
  
It's getting hard to breathe  
  
(Heero)  
  
I couldn't believe what I just did to Duo. I tore his heart apart. What have I done? Hurting someone that I truly love, yet I do not want to possess. I just can't stand at the fact having him in my arms, stroking his cheeks and hair with my hands. Hands that have taken so many lives, hands that are covered by blood. How could I? He deserves someone better. Not someone like me. I hate myself. I hate myself for hurting him, making him cry. Those beautiful violet eyes, never seen them so sad, so hopeless. I was the cause of those sad eyes. Do you love me that much, Duo? Do you love me that much that you said you'll cry blood if you ever lose me? If so, why? Why would you want to be with me? Every mankind may despise me for what I've done. Why did you make a promise that you would be here with me? I'm not worth dying for. Duo......tell me why! I can't breathe...I'm beginning to choke. I can feel my hot tears running down my cheeks. Tears....? Tears? I'm crying? Is this pain I'm feeling? Is this sadness I'm experiencing?  
  
So tell me isn't happiness  
  
Worth more than a gold or diamond ring?  
  
I'm willing to do anything  
  
To calm the storm in my heart  
  
I've never been the praying kind  
  
But lately I've been down upon my knees  
  
Not looking for a miracle  
  
Just a reason to believe  
  
(Heero)  
  
The light from my laptop screen is the only light in my room. I don't know why I have it on at a time like this. Shit. I forgot all about it. The Mission!......haha...there you go again, Yuy....Mission, mission, mission. Is that all I can think of? Happiness. I knew happiness once. Duo taught me about happiness. I felt it when Duo hugged me, kissed me...Argh! This thoughts! Killing me...I swipe my hand across the desk and throw my laptop to the floor. Ha...the crashing noise it made when it touched the ground. I can hear Quatre asking Trowa outside my door whether I'm all right or not. No, Dammit! I'm NOT all right! I want Duo! I want him back! I'm down on my knees now. Asking myself why. Why was I born as a soldier that meant to fight and not to meant to know what happiness is about. Not to meant enjoying life like normal people do. And...and...not to meant to experience love... Since I met Duo, my whole life turned upside down. I believe in love, I believe in happiness, And most of all, I believe in Duo.  
  
(Both)  
  
I might need you to hold me tonight  
  
I might need you to say it's all right  
  
I might need you to make the first stand  
  
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man  
  
Do you remember not long ago?  
  
When we used to live for the night-time  
  
Cherish each moment  
  
Now we don't live we exist  
  
We just run though our lives  
  
So alone  
  
That's why you've got to hold me  
  
(Duo)  
  
Those nights....I have spent with you. I had the most beautiful nights when I was with you. We've spent them on talking, sharing our deepest feelings and secrets. Those passionate moments you've shared with me. Whispering my name, stroking my cheeks and running your fingers on my loosen hair softly, kissing my neck, my lips, showing me how much I was meant for you. And then, waking up in the morning just to find you softly snoring next to me with your cute face. Or if you woke up before me, you would give me a good morning kiss, and laid there still next to me, examine me quietly when I was moaning, wanting to go back to sleep. Smiling while your hand softly tickle my neck and stroking my hair, wanting me to wake up and share the kiss with you.  
  
But now,...I'm here alone. Regretting every moment I've had with you...knowing it ended like this. I should not have touched your life with my embrace. I should not have bothered learning about your loneliness and fulfil my dreams of being loved again. Painful. Hurt. Despair. Desperate. You've got to hold me, before I lose myself again! Please, Heero!  
  
Hey  
  
If we can't find a way out of these problems  
  
Then maybe we don't need this  
  
Standing face to face  
  
Enemies at war we build defences  
  
And secret hiding places  
  
(Heero)  
  
The next thing I know is my feet are rising from where they were, towards the door. Walking out from my room, finding Trowa and Quatre are standing there, surprised to see me. I put no interest on them, not caring what they may think about me. I can't careless. My mind is focusing on the one and only object of my affection, my beloved, my dear sweet Duo. I can't help thinking about losing him, don't have the heart of hurting him, letting him cry on his own, with no one there for him, to comfort him, to hold him, saying that it's all right.  
  
I'm slowly turning the knob of Duo's bedroom door. I heard soft sobs coming from the corner of the dark room. There is a small light coming from the garden light from outside his window. Slowly my eyes adapted to the dark and can see his small figure sitting on the corner, and I can see his braid loosen, fall nicely on his chest and shoulder. He sees me coming in. His eyes are fixed on me. Those violet eyes look angry at me. Thinking I'm playing with his feeling. First I decided to leave him and now I'm here, wanting to get him back in my life. He deserves to be angry at me. I slowly approach him;  
  
"Duo..." As I said his name his eyes even look more fierce at me.  
  
"What do you want?" He said between his sobs, and I can see his tears are running down his cheeks. They shine like pearls caused by the reflection from the small light outside.  
  
I approach him closer and kneel beside his slender body. Seeing him didn't show any refusal, I decided to embrace him. Until a few minutes, I realise he sobs even more and he pushes me hard, and then he bows his head, he kneels and support himself with his two hands, so then his hair are falling down to the cold floor.  
  
"Why?" He asks me. "Why did you do that to me? Why did you say goodbye and then came back to me?" Now his eyes are back looking at me, hopelessly. "Are you proving that you can dominate me? Are you playing with my mind? My feelings?" His hand grabs a part of his clothes, referring to his heart. "Well it works! Are you happy? Are you satisfied?" His tear falls to the floor.  
  
"Duo...it's not like that...please, listen to what I have to say..."  
  
"You've said ENOUGH! ENOUGH TO BREAK MY HEART APART!" He interrupted me constantly.  
  
"Please, Duo..." I'm putting both of my hands on his shoulders. "Look at me." With those words, his eyes that were burning with anger soften, decided to listen to what I have to say. With a sigh, I am continuing with my reasons. "Thinking back... I've made a mistake. I never wanted to let you go. I lied to myself. My ego dominated my heart, what my heart had told me. Please Duo...forgive me. I was never meant to hurt you. That would be the last thing in the world I would do....Please, Duo...please..." I said to him. Almost in tears myself.  
  
Suddenly, I felt his warm lips softly touches mine. He hugs me at the same time. When he parts, he says;  
  
"I love you, Heero...Is it really possibly to have you again? To hold you? Kiss you again?" His cheeks are wet from his tears, he shows me a slight smile, his violet eyes are looking at me, not believing what's happening to him. Now I understand that Duo wants me because he felt lonely. He doesn't want to feel that loneliness again, left by Sister Helen and Father Maxwell. Duo has no intention of losing me ever. Well, Duo...guess what? I need you too. I need you to teach me everything that I've missed of being a normal boy, being in a normal life. Through sadness and happiness, would be there for me? Would be at my side and hold me when life is too hard to face? Would you be there and tell me that everything would be all right?  
  
I gave him a slight nod, referring to his question. That he can hold me and kiss me again, until the end of time. I stroke his cheek and continue to run my fingers through his fringe and I slightly lay my forehead on his. I whisper his name softly and kiss him again, telling him I'm sorry for what I've done. I tell him that I will be there for him, be at his side and will never leave him until death do us apart.  
  
(Duo)  
  
I hold him close as we kiss. The kiss that I've longed to possess. I can't believe this. I'm here again with him. His arms are around me. Not wanting to let me go. He breathes the word 'sorry' in between kisses. I forgive you, Heero. How could I not forgive you? You're meant so much for me. I don't want to lose you anymore. Hold me tight, I want you...It may not easy as it seems, to understand what your heart says...but I'll try till my heart content to comprehend your emotion. All because I love you and only you....  
  
I might need you to hold me tonight  
  
I might need you to say it's all right  
  
I might need you to make the first stand  
  
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man 


End file.
